Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
