she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize