Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
