I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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