worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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