just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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