Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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