Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
