you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
