My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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