Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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