what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
