swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
