just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize