Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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