I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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