This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
