I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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