i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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