Where are you?
In a non slutty way
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize