hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
