you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize