Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
