Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
They took my balls.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
