swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
