she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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