I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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