She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm both gender and math confused
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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