thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
