If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I deserve this hangover.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize