Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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