New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
