i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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