I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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