I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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