He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
