This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
