i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
