so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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