OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
