I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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