so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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