I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
