Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
