so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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