First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
