what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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