wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
