i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize