just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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