can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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