i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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