totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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