God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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