the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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