U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
