No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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