Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize