I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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