I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
