I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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