Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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