I'm going to jail i love you
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Two words: blizzard sex
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize