the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize