My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
