i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize