so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
