First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
