so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he thought i was a dude.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
