if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
