News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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