He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My dick has a subreddit
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