You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
