Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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