His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
