You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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